Using the 4 R's with Kids

As a parent, I’ve been blessed with two daughters. As a teacher, I’ve been privileged to teach hundreds of kids. Both of these roles have been learning experiences for me, and I’ve come to understand that successful children have a solid set of expectations to follow. Telling a child, “Be good,” isn’t enough. What does “good” mean? Children need concrete standards and examples, and those standards are ones that can be used at home and at school.

At my school we use a set of standards called the “Four R’s.” These four R’s are respect, responsibility, restraint, and recognizing the rights of others. We use these to help students focus on their behavior and to improve it. These may sound like school strategies, but they can also be successful at home.



Students show respect to each other by listening to
others opinions.

Respect is the first quality, defined by the dictionary as an attitude of deference. School examples of respect include looking at a person when they speak, being quiet when others share their ideas and opinions, and speaking to each other with kind words and voices even when upset. These examples work just as well at home. Teach your children to show respect to their parents by making eye contact and by following directions immediately. Respect can also be shown at home by listening to other family members and allowing them to voice their opinions. Siblings in a fight? Teach them how to speak to each other with kindness, even when they’re upset.

Successful students must be responsible, no matter what their age. At school, we expect students to be responsible for their own belongings and to come to class prepared. However, learning to be responsible starts at home. Use chores to accomplish this task. Choose age appropriate chores for your kids and develop a regular schedule for completion. For example, a four year old can help an older sibling unload the dishwasher. Middle school kids can begin to learn how to do laundry, along with folding it and putting it away. Teenagers can do all this plus more difficult chores such as mowing and other yard work. You can also put the responsibility for completing homework on your child. Give them a quiet place to get it done, but make this part of their daily routine. For example, my oldest daughter comes home and does her homework and chores before doing anything else. Once a routine is established, and the children have accepted the responsibility for it, it becomes a regular part of their day. Start these types of routines as early as you can in a child’s life, and they will grow up thinking it is normal.

Restraint can be a tough area for kids, especially when they are upset. At home, let children see you model self-control when you are distressed. When they see Mom and Dad controlling anger, or expressing it in a mature way, they begin to see proper restraint in action. They will take their cues from you. Sibling interaction is also a great time to teach restraint. Every brother and sister knows what it’s like to have their space invaded! Teach kids how to express their feelings in a rational way towards siblings who have overstepped their bounds. When siblings are fussing, this is a great opportunity to teach them about self-control.

At school, respecting the rights of others means not touching another person’s property or body without permission. At home it means the same thing! For example, brothers and sisters learn to leave siblings’belongings alone. This can also mean respecting the boundaries of mom and dad’s belongings. For example, my own children know that my purse is off limits. The same goes for Dad’s wallet. My girls know they may not enter each other’s bedrooms without permission. Sometimes this is difficult to follow, but by responding to these parameters, they show respect for each other. Personal space also falls into this category. We do not allow our students to physically hurt each other. This is a standard that can be replicated at home, as well.

Children crave boundaries, and they respond when parents set limits for them. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and you won’t gain perfect behavior from your kids overnight. Every child is a work in progress, but using concrete standards such as these can help kids understand expectations and start to follow them. Strong expectations build happy, productive, well-adjusted kids.

 

Note -- This is an article was published in my local newspaper on 10/4/12.